Case of mistaken identity.

Today I received an e-mail from a co-worker that addressed me as "Stacey."

For those of you who do not know me beyond my super secret identity, let me assure you, my name is not Stacey.

At first I thought maybe Director D sent me the e-mail by accident- and that maybe there was a Stacey out there waiting for an e-mail; but after reading through the message I quickly realized that is was for me and that Director D just hadn't bothered to enter the correct name in the header.

***Sigh*** just another day at Company X off to a tremendous start.

Bright lights, big city

Last weekend Little Miss Westchester left the comforts of Milwaukee to journey into a world so deliciously mysterious that very few make it out alive without witnessing some quality musical theatre and buying a $10 Pashmina from one of the street vendors. Of course I am talking about New York City!

Ok enough with the third person. I had a great time traversing NYC with my mom and was lucky enough to see Broadway musicals like Hairspray and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. In addition to the stars we saw on the stage my mom and I also bumped into dreamy star of the television screen, Rob Morrow (Numbers and Northern Exposure). I was in the bathroom at the time, but apparently my mom had a nice little chat with him while he was on his way into the bathroom….

Here are some of the pictures from our trip:

Here I am on the Empire State Building. It’s amazing how high I was able to climb before being asked to leave.

Here I am performing with the cast of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I was surprised they let me perform without so much as a rehearsal-but that’s New York!

Television superstar Rob Morrow was very nice to stop and pose for this picture with my mom. It’s amazing how camera-ready he was and how perfect the lighting seemed to be by the bathroom. It's almost like he knew we were going to be there with our camera...

In any eveny, I am back in the office now and already day dreaming of trips to come. This summer Peppermint Patty and I are traveling to Europe-which should make for some very interesting posts.

What Super Secret Rantings character are you?

I am sure that at one time or another my eight loyal readers have said to themselves, "Self, which character from Super Secret Rantings am I MOST like?"

Well you asked the question and now you will have your answer! As many of you know I am a HUGE fan of personality quizzes, so I have decided to MAKE a personality quiz for my blog. And as you will soon learn, it is pretty must the coolest personality quiz out there.


CLICK HERE to take the SUPER SECRET RANTINGS Personality Quiz

The facts of life

On my drive into work this morning I got stuck behind a "Gourmet Fruit Basket" truck and ended up being 10 minutes late to work. You can't make shit like that up.

Easter Weekend Update

Spring has sprung in old Milwaukee and everywhere you look birds are singing and the homeless are stripping off their extra layers of winter wear.

This weekend I spent a lot of quality time with my family and ate the appropriate quantities of Easter candy (and no, there is nothing wrong with a 25-year-old woman getting an Easter basket).

On Saturday I somehow managed to watch three movies, all of which I will review for you now:

1. Lucky Number Slevin-Super Secret Thumbs Up

Combining a Usual Suspects-esque twist, surprising violence, well-written dialogue, and Josh Hartnett in a low-riding towel for several scenes, this case of mistaken identity thriller will have you guessing till the end. It's no think-piece, but its just really fun. (Similar movies: The Game, The Usual Suspects)

2. The Brothers Grimm-Super Secret Thumbs Down

Matt Damon and Heath Ledger play brothers out to make a buck amidst a superstitious Germany. Now I love fairy tales as much as the next gal, but this movie just was not as fun as I had thought it would be. While I didn't hate it, I probably would recommend waiting until it comes out on TBS over spending the money to rent it.

3. Waiting-Enthusiastic Super Secret Thumbs Down

This movie was just lame. LAME. Although, having just seen the crap-tastic Just Friends (also starring Ryan Reynolds) I do not know why I am surprised. Frankly, I am just sick of Reynold's "I'm too cool for school" line delivery. It just comes off as snarky, and it is the SAME thing every time. It worked in Van Wilder because that was his first break out role, but COME ON! It's been four years Ryan, PLEASE come up with a new schtick! Anyway, unlike successful comedies such as The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Anchor Man, and Office Space, this heavy-handed schlop just misses the mark.

On an entirely unrelated note, it has now been almost a full week since I originally posted about Coworker B's ill-timed Christmas countdown board; and, if you were wondering what could possibly be worse that a person hanging a Christmas countdown board in the office before Easter, I now have your answer: that being, someone hanging a Christmas countdown board in the office before Easter, and then forgetting to update it.

If you INSIST on putting up a crappy countdown to remind your coworkers of how quickly their summers are passing by without them, at least have the decency to keep it up to date! But it has been "258-days till Christmas" on that board all week, and it is really beginning to piss me off.

How to spot a pedophile (and other helpful tips)

As some of you might have heard, a scary pedophile has moved into my building.

In past postings I have revealed my list of top three fears as:

1. Vampires
2. Tornados
3. Murdering Rapists.

And, I would have to say that "Pedophiles" as a group fall just below murdering rapists (and slightly above maggots) on my ever-expanding list of reviled fears. So, that being said, a pedophile actually living in my building has not been sitting well with me-especially since the man looks exactly like what you would expect a sex offender found not-guilty by reason of mental defect to look like.

At this point, some of you are probably wondering how I unearthed this information and how you too can learn about possible sex offenders in your neighborhood; and, never being one to withhold my sources, here are some helpful tools:

Find the Sex Offenders in Your Neighborhood. (This site has the address, picture, and conviction information of the registered sex offenders in your area.)

How to Spot a Sex Offender (I am pretty sure this isn't serious, but what the hell.)

On that pleasant note, hope you have a Super Secret Rantings day!

Springtime for Santa and Coworker B

As of last Monday Department X has had several new additions to our ranks. Most of the time these new folks are not a big deal and the change is welcomed by one and all; however, clearly this is not always the case. With Company X the word "always" rarely fits into the equation.

A perfect example of this lies in departmental newbie Coworker B and the ridiculous way in which she has decided to decorate her 6x6 cell, I mean cubi-cell, I mean cubicle. Specifically, right under her name tag B has proudly hung an unbelievably crap-tastic chalkboard with what appears to be a count down to Christmas written carefully in chalk.

Pictorial Reenactment:

I realize that I am beginning to come off as a bit of a humbug here so please, let me clarify.

I love Christmas! It is by far my FAVORITE national holiday (outside of my birthday) and I look forward to it with unbridled anticipation and child-like glee; however, I like the other seasons too. It is not even Easter yet, and for the first time in six months there is no show on the ground in Wisconsin. For God's sake, let me have my spring you crazy bitches! I ask you, is that really too much to ask?!

That is all....for now.

Filing a grievance with…myself

You may recall previous postings I have made regarding the disproportionate rate of signed vs. received birthday/ anniversary/ get well/ sorry about that STD/ thank you cards I have encountered during my seemingly endless stint in this department.

Specifically, I have signed some variation of card for pretty much EVERYONE in my department (as well as some cards for coworkers that aren't even IN my department) without EVER having received one myself.

Today marks a new low in my losing battle for recognition, when I received an e-mail from "Coworker M" requesting donations so that she could buy flowers for Supervisor K's wife (who just underwent some minor surgery).

Supervisor K's WIFE! She doesn't even work at this company!!!

Just to recap here, it seems that in addition to ranking lower than all of my coworkers on the perverbial priority list, I now seem to also rank lower than some of my coworker's wives as well.

What the flip.

Great News for, well, ME!

Over lunch today my friend and coworker, Sally Brink told me that I remind her of Jackie Onassis*.

In fact, I believe her exact words were, "Westchester, you are the Jackie O. of this company. "

I love this coworker and now have plans to buy her a pony.



*For those of you who were born in a box, Jackie Onassis was the beautiful wife of JFK (no not the airport, the American President). Not only was Jackie viewed as one of the premiere trendsetters of her day, but also as one of greatest style icons of all time. She was also a brunette-take that!

Dear Super Secret Fan,

A message for my eight loyal readers....

Love always,

Little Miss Westchester

Just the facts mam

You have not really lived until you have read through this list of facts on Chuck Norris.




Here are some of the highlights:

*The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

*Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

*Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

*The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

*When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

*There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Worms are gross.

It is raining outside, which means there are worms everywhere.

EVERYWHERE.

In fact, on my 5 mile walk from the employee parking lot into the office this morning I noticed an earthworm that extended well beyond the 5 inch mark. It was disgusting and was blocking a large portion of the foot path. All I want to do right now is wash the image of that worm from my mind- but I cannot. Every time I close my eyes I see THIS looking back up at me.

On another note, this weekend marked my debut onto Milwaukee's community theatre stage. The director Corky St. Clair (not to be confused with Moody St. Clair my often surly, but delightful friend) was in fine form, making changes to our blocking right up until show time. I was thrilled to have so many of my friends come out to support me, and I think I would be remiss as a "journalist" not to reprint their feedback of my performance here....

"The show sucked, but you were awesome Little Miss Westchester. In fact, you were the best actor on that stage...and the best looking!" (Jazzy A)

"I can't believe that director still has a job in this town-but man are you talented." (Joe Hollywood)

"Little Miss Westchester, you amazed me with your acting! You stole the show!" (F. Early)

"I liked your costume." (Hope Valentine)

Thanks again to all of my friends who came out this weekend; and, on a side note to those who are thinking of coming to the show this weekend, it is positive reinforcement like this that will buy you my eternal gratitude or (if you are cute and look like Jake Gyllenhall) a solid and appreciative pat on the ass.

Keep that in mind.