This post is like my dead fish Elvis-filled with regrets of what could have been.

If you are like me, you try to incorporate elaborate analogies into everyday conversations...and you have a love/hate relationship with cheese.

That's why I was THRILLED when good friend Spanish Houlihan sent me THIS- a list of the top 56 "worst" student analogies compliled by area teachers, and printed by the Washington Post.

Here are some of the highlights:

1. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
3. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
4. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
5. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
6. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
7. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
8. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
9. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
10. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

Enjoy.