Update on Naughtiness

Coworker B has proven herself to be a very worthy foe in the battle against ridiculously-early holiday countdowns.

Less than 12 hours have passed since I made that very naughty, very subtle adjustment to her Christmas Countdown chalk board-and she has already switched the erroneous "63" back to the correct "61 Days Until Christmas."

It appears that I am going to have to be MUCH more creatively stealthy when dealing with Coworker B. No more fast movements or erratic gestures. The last thing I want to do is make her mad; because if she channeled the sunshine properly, I bet she could light my face on fire through those glasses of hers. No sir, sparkling personality is no defense against sun-conducting eye glasses.

All I want for Christmas is...another IPod

When it comes to technology, I am usually behind the curve.

A few Christmases’ ago my parents bought my brothers and me iPods, but it wouldn’t be until a full year later that I would sell mine, unopened to my brother for a fraction of what it was worth. Clearly, this was one of my MANY poorly-navigated business decisions. But at the time, I just wasn’t willing to learn how to use the iPod, and I figured my brother would get better use of it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Unfortunately, this is not the first or the last time I have denied myself of a good technological thing out of misplaced reverence to the old, already learned technology. Before iPods, it was the Discman, and before that, it was my Strawberry Shortcake record player…

“But I have so many tapes!” I would whine to my classmates when they asked why I wasn’t into CD’s. “Plus I just got the soundtrack for “Cocktail” and I don’t want to miss out on that. Besides tapes are just as good as CD’s…”

Right.

After the whole Cocktail debacle, it would be several months before I was forced into buying my first CD; when, while on a field trip with my church’s youth group, I couldn’t, for the life of me, find an audio cassette section in Best Buy.

Surrounded by a group of the Christian-ist kids I knew, I enthusiastically reached for the CD of Extreme’s “Pornografitti.”

“Pornografitti? REALLY Westchester,” they said judgingly.

By that point, it was too late to tell them that the only reason I had wanted the CD was for the song “More than Words,” which I had heard earlier that week on the Mickey Mouse Club.

I guess for that singular moment in time, I was the church group rebel. That’s right, REBEL.

Now in my late twenties I have still not managed to get that iPod….but I am hoping by the time I do, my brothers will have amassed all the songs I could possibly need; and I can use all that money I’ll be saving on ITunes to buy myself that pony I have always wanted. I will name her “Dusty,” and she will be merry.

What can you do with a BA in English?

I am beginning to think that I am NEVER going to escape the nefarious folds of Company X.

As you may have guessed, I did not pass the spelling test; and while I don’t remember exactly how many words I was asked to spell, I somehow got 17 wrong. 17.

It’s enough to make a grown woman cry…oh wait, I am a grown woman, and I HAVE been crying.

But rather than give up, I will press on bravely into the night, I mean, the job force. I WILL find that next, better paying job, where I like my coworkers and I do not feel like I am dying a little bit inside each day.

You might be surprised to know, that in addition to applying outside Company X, I have also been looking within the company as well, in hopes that maybe, it is just the banal task of my current job that is bothering me…well that and the DAMN Christmas countdown.

So when a woman from HR called me the other day with news of a job opening that might fit my skills, I jumped at the opportunity. Company X was anxious to fill the role, so HR set up the interview for the next day-leaving me little time to prepare. The day of the interview arrived; and, as I do with every interviews, I wore my best (and only) suit and brushed my hair.

I arrived early, and when Vice President R appeared, I firmly shook his hand and confidently introduced myself. I then followed him to his office and sat down where I was instructed. Normal pleasantries were then exchange, before R launched into his questions.

The interview started well, however, things took a discernable turn for the worse when VP R asked if I was a “glass is half full or glass is half EMPTY” kind of person.

“Well R,” I said, “I think that in life, I am generally a glass is half FULL kind of person; however, I am also realistic, and I know that there is always the possibility that something happens to the glass- so I believe it is important to anticipate that, and be ready to creatively fix the problem, or glass.”

Silently, R sat back in his chair, considering my answer, then, after inhaling quietly R replied:

“Actually, the way I would have answered that question, is the glass is FULL. Half water, half air-and YOU need to figure out what innovative things you can do with the AIR to stay ahead of your competition.”

……………WHAT!

Air......AIR! First of all, if I was interviewing someone and they gave me a bull shit answer like that, I would be forced to punch them in the face. Secondly, when you asked me that asinine question about the glass-you asked if it were half full, or half empty. THOSE were my choices. At that rate, I might as well have said, that rather than pour my water into a glass, I would rather consider a Nalgene bottle; because Nalgene water bottles are durable, and built to withstand the elements. Plus, they can easily survive a nasty fall down the stairs. I mean REALLY. Who IS this guy?!?

The countdown continues...

Many of you may remember a certain posting I made in APRIL, about the inconceivably-early Christmas countdown one of my coworkers was keeping on the outside of her cubicle. Well in case you were wondering, said countdown still exists today, but with one very noticeable new addition:

All I can say is, it is a VERY good thing it's Friday.