She works (pseudo) hard for the money...

It’s time for Little Miss Westchester to get a part-time job.

The fact of the matter is, my time at Company X is no longer paying the bills (I like to shop) and apparently I can no longer get by on my looks alone****; as a result, I have spoken with good friend Moody St. Clair about getting a second job working with her at the mall. I have an interview on Tuesday. Wish me luck.

Admittedly, there are pros and cons with taking on additional jobs, especially additional jobs that are based at the mall.

Those being:

Pro: More Money
Con: More Work
Pro: Potential for some cool freebies from the new job
Con: Dealing with the public (Translation: Ugly People.)

But on the up side, I am looking forward to the possibility of a second income, even if that income is spent entirely on makeup, rhinestones, and shiney things I can fit into my mouth.

Yay second job!


****Lifetime Gross Income earned from Looks Alone: $0.00.

Just when I was beginning to sleep through the night...

Apparently there are worse things out there than a squirrel with a shifty gaze....

CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline...and to watch the video. Ohhh that horrible, horrible video!

UPDATE:

Moody St. Clair: I wonder if he is related to the gnome who lives at the end of my hall. Have I ever told you about him?

Little Miss Westchester: NO! And please don't. I don't think I would ever be able to come back to your apartment.

Moody: No, he's nice. He doesn't ever leave his apartment though; but, he did make a toboggan out of Popsicle sticks this winter.

Westchester: !?!?!?

Moving: what's it good for?

This past weekend, I told Mister Mister that I would help him move.

In my mind, this was a commitment to appear in a mostly supervisory capacity, with a peppering of light lifting if something like a pillow or a bottle of cologne needed to be taken to the car. In his mind, I was promising to lend my blood, sweat and tears to one of the most annoying and difficult undertakings known to the young and mobile.

Moving. I hate moving.

In fact, I have lived in my apartment for almost 4 years now; and not because it is my favorite place in the world, or because I like the haunting sound of hobos rummaging through my garbage at all hours of the night. No, I haven’t moved because the fact of the matter is: I am perhaps the laziest person known to man-with the exception of maybe Paris Hilton and the entire cast of the Real World: Seattle.

I am so lazy, that I will pick cloths up off the floor with my feet so that I won’t have to bend down to retrieve them; I will wait several days to get my mail so I won’t have to carry it; and, I am so lazy that there has been a bag of shoes in the trunk of my car for over a year now, because I don’t have the energy to bring them to a cobbler.

So you can imagine my surprise when Mister asked me to help him carry his T.V. stand because it was too big for one person to carry.

Luckily, Mister is a good boyfriend, and he didn’t press the issue when I told him I was there for moral support rather than to carry anything to the car or to help him pack his glassware.

Three hours later, after the last box had been loaded into the car and the last scratch on the wall had been subtly painted over with White Out, Mister and I drove off into the night; Mister with the exhausted but unwavering knowledge that he still have hours of work ahead of him, and me with the hankering for a chocolate ice cream cone and some hugs.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I told a GIANT lie....

You fools, there was no lie (unless you count excuses I have used to get out of manual labor, or the pledge I made to myself to stop eating cheese)! That little ruse was just one of the many clever tricks I use to get you to keep reading my blog-and you fell for it! WAH ha ha ha ha!

Anyhow, I wanted to tell you about a movie I have fallen in love with by the name of Eagle vs. Shark. The perfect blend of Napoleon Dynamite’s cinematic quirkiness and Welcome to the Dollhouse’s angst (two movies I also enjoyed)-Eagle vs. Shark charts two social outcasts' efforts to fall in love and do it.

With a cast and soundtrack made up of New Zealand's finest, the movie stars Flight of the Conchord’s Jermaine Clement in the not-so-titular role of Jarrod, and Loren Horsley as the film’s tongue-tied heroine Lily. I like this movie because it is not your typical romantic comedy. The characters are often unattractive and usually wearing something out of a Richard Simmons' video.

In short, Eagle vs. Shark is not The Notebook; but, that's fine by me. Who wants to see good looking people fall in love anyway? Not me! I would rather sit through another one of my grandma's very-detailed accounts of what she put on the sandwhich she made herself for dinner last night.

This post is like my dead fish Elvis-filled with regrets of what could have been.

If you are like me, you try to incorporate elaborate analogies into everyday conversations...and you have a love/hate relationship with cheese.

That's why I was THRILLED when good friend Spanish Houlihan sent me THIS- a list of the top 56 "worst" student analogies compliled by area teachers, and printed by the Washington Post.

Here are some of the highlights:

1. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
3. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
4. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
5. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
6. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
7. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
8. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
9. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
10. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

Enjoy.

Shameless Plug: My Cousin-Teacher of the Year

I would be lying if I said this video was about my cousin; however, it is a funny little short about a less-than-charismatic teacher being interviewed for a spot on a public access show.

CLICK HERE to enjoy the show!

It's time for a comeback!

I have been told by the three people who used to read my blog, that they miss Little Miss Westchester.

Truth be told, I miss them too; and not just because they have given me compliments (which is very high up on the list of my favorite things, behind only reruns of Get Smart and the shiny things I want to put in my mouth), but also because I like to create art work on Microsoft Paint, and this is clearly the only venue where such skills can be put to good use in the real world.

Luckily, I live in a small bubble of office dronedom and in the three months since my last posting, I have only a few key updates to speak of:

1. I have been moved to a desk by the window. Upside, a view of the sunshine and a connection to the world outside; downside, a cubi-cell neighbor who likes to listen to Soulja Boy on repeat out of his computer speakers.

2. Over the past three months I have had many opportunities to travel to glamorous (a word I can now spell without spell check thanks to some catchy lyrics by Fergie) places such as Amsterdam, Cabo San Lucas, and Bayview, Wisconsin.

3. After a brief respite, Department X's unofficial Christmas Countdown is back up, now coming in at a grand total of 311 days until Christmas. You can imagine my delight.

4. I recently swam with dolphins. They were merry.

5. I still fear Squirrels and wish for their swift demise.

6. In Mexico there are large squirrels called Agoutis. I accidentally saw one give birth. It was horrible. But I could not look away.

7. I have learned how to play Cribbage! A game of strategy and cunning, my love for this little joust with cards is swiftly surpassing my lust for rhinestones; however, the card game requires constant basic addition from its players, thus serving as a constant reminder of my inadequacies in remedial math and basic addition.

Well, that's all for now! I don't want to reveal TOO many of my secrets!

But I promise to blog again soon-thanks for checking back!