Top 10.....
In light of my inability to come up with ANYTHING else to blog about, I thought today would be as good a time as any to bring together two of my very favorite past times: making top ten lists and talking about the things that scare me.
Today’s topic of terror: singers/artists often played by easy-listening/classic rock affiliates that also happen to scare me. I apologize ahead of time if any of the artists mentioned below are among your personal faves-but as you will soon see, my arguments are sound….so, without any further ado, I present:
Little Miss Westchester’s Top 10 List of Creepy Easy Listening/Classic Rock Artists.
1. James Taylor.
There is a haunting quality to his voice that makes my stomach churn. Additionally, he is fabled to be the inspiration behind Carly Simon’s hit song, “You’re So Vain.” This song makes me nervous because it is an enduring cultural mystery-and mysteries can be scary.
2. Phil Collins.
One night, when I was a little girl of around 9 or 10, my babysitter let me watch MTV with him because I was scared and could not fall asleep. No sooner had my over-active imagination began to subside, when a Genesis music video came on that featured a bunch of puppet heads….singing. To me, that video screamed “DANGER!” “DANGER!” And I have never felt truly safe since.
3. The Artist Formally Known as Prince.
On one hand, I really like “Pussy Control,” but on the other hand, Prince wore pants with little holes cut out over his ass cheeks. Now I can’t speak for everyone here, but for me, ass-less pants are never ok. Especially in yellow.
4. Olivia Newton-John.
I am sorry, but “I Honestly Love You” sucks ass! Plus, when I saw Olivia on TV the other night her face looked like it was melting under the tv lights. One too many plastic surgeries Franken-sandy. Boo.
***Begin Obvious Choice Here***
5. Michael Jackson.
Child molestation-allegations aside, that music video Michael made with Lisa Marie Presley was just nasty and wrong. That’s right, NASTY-and it made me uncomfortable in my mommy parts. Plus he has a brother named Tito.
***End Obvious Choice Here***
6. Bee Gees.
Their voices are high, which makes me jumpy. Additionally, their songs call to mind one of my other greatest fears: getting trapped in an elevator.
7. Patrick Swayze.
If you thought Patrick’s list of screen credits were limited solely to acting and seducing Jennifer Grey with his shirt off-you were sorely mistaken. No, Patrick took a turn as pop singer with her 80’s power ballad, “She’s Like the Wind.” As an impressionable young person, I thought he was talking about ghosts; and ghosts scare me. Later, Patrick went on to play a ghost, which only helped to cement my inherent fear and discomfort.
8. R. Kelly.
I don’t think anyone was fooled by Kelly’s thinly-veiled lyrical metaphor that spoke of sticking his “key” into some poor (and likely underage) girl’s “ignition.” *Shudder*
9. Jordan Knight.
Admittedly, Jordan was my favorite member of New Kids on the Block (or NKOTB for those of you who believe musicians can actually pick up street creed simply by shortening their name), but ALL of the songs he has released lately have been adult contemporary crap; and nothing is scarier, or more unsettling than an over the hill boy-bander trying to resuscitate a DOA career. The “D” in DOA stand for “dead,” by the way-but don’t get scared off, I am not done with my list yet!
And last but NOT least:
10. Kiss.
I am sure this comes of little surprise, considering vampires are one of my top three fears, and Gene Simmons looks like a vampire. Although I did see KISS live a few summers ago-the show was fun, and I made a sweet “KISS THIS” t-shirt for the concert. Ah the foibles of youth.
So that’s it, that’s my list. Here are some of the scary singers that would have made this list, had it been a Top 20 are: David Caruso(not a singer-but scary), Meatloaf (good as a food, bad as a rock star), Don Johnson, Rod Stewart, Clay Aiken, Five for Fighting, Mariah Carey, Dionne Warwick, that guy who sang, “I Wear my Sunglasses at Night,” and Gloria Estefan (but only because of her song “The Rhythm is Going to Get You”-I don’t like to think about things chasing me).
Labels: Potent Potables, Shameless Plugs
posted by Little Miss Westchester @ 1/23/2007
2 Comments:
I disagree with two of your Top 20 choices: Phil Collins and Rod Stewart.
How can Phil Collins be creepy? Maybe the puppets were creepy, but he didn't invent them...they were from some British comedy show that was doing a parody of Genesis, so the band used them in the video for "Land of Confusion." If anything is creepy about PC, it could only be the "Invisible Touch" lyrics.
And ROD STEWART!!! He's not creepy, he just wears leather pants sometimes and has ridiculous hair. PLUS, he hasn't even been doing that too much lately since all of the standards with the 4 incredible volumes of "American Songbook."
I have to agree about KISS, but even creepier still is the all-dwarf KISS coverband featured several times on "The Situation with Tucker Carlson" on MSNBC.
Oh Anne-I KNEW I could count on you! You have made several good points here and I would like to address them one by one.
1. Phil Collins. His song "In the Air Tonight" is scary. You can’t deny this-the song is about drowning for God’s sakes. I think overall it is something about the quality of his voice that haunts my nightmares. The only song by Phil Collins that ISN'T scary to me is "Against All Odds” which inspires me to try out for American Idol or sing karaoke.
2. Rod Stewart. This is less about the individual and more about his teaming up with Bryan Adams and Sting for the original motion picture soundtrack of The Three Musketeers. If those three were to have gotten into a fight-I think Rod would have been scrappy-and he wouldn’t have fought fair. And therein lies my inherent fear.
3.You’re right about the KISS cover band made up entirely of dwarves. I here they have a huge rivalry with a midget KISS cover band. Wouldn’t want to run into EITHER group in a dark alley.
P.S. I miss you!
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