Expendability

Yesterday, after posting about some of the zombie-related dreams I’ve been having lately, I immediately began to worry that my Super Secret-dream revelations may have opened the door for possible confusion about the Little Miss Westchester you have come to know, hopefully love, and ultimately think about when you should be working. That being said, I hope you will here me out.

The dreams in question centered around catastrophic zombie plagues that (in the scope of one REM cycle) managed to wipe out most of the world’s population, leaving only myself and a few other survivors to repopulate the Earth and return humans to their proper place at the top of the food chain (this of course is relying upon my dream-assumption that the zombies, thinking the world was void of any additional food sources, would wander into the world’s oceans, never to be seen again).

Make no mistake, fair-reader, if a zombie plague was to descend upon the world, systematically wiping out humanity as we know it, I would definitely NOT be among the survivors. Far from it! More likely I would be one of the first to go-due to my powerlessness to hide without giggling, my incapacity to wield any effective weapon, and (as I recently discovered) my inability to outrun even a soda can as is lazily rolls down a hill.

No, unlike dream-Westchester (who apparently looks like Hilary Duff and is simply helpless against the fabled and intoxicating charms of chest hair) I am no hero-and lack all of the necessary life-skills one would need to survive a plague of flesh-eating zombies.

My ONLY hope is, that in the event of a REAL zombie outbreak, that guy from Five for Fighting gets it before me. My reasons for this are two-fold. One: because I think even I could take that guy in a cage match. And Two: beacuse I think a world without Five for Fighting (even a world infested with zombies) would be a better place to be.

Note: If you are interested in learning more about zombies and the havoc they can cause on an eco-system, I would HIGHLY recommend checking out books like I Am Legend (by Richard Matheson) or more importantly, The Zombie Survival Guide (by Max Brooks) from your local library.