Don't Eat the Yellow Snow.

With only SIX days left until Christmas (if we are to believe Coworker B's countdown), holiday cheer is building to a fever pitch; and, if you have eyes, ears and the ability to use them, you have no doubt been inundated with a barrage of holiday music and cheer. If you have neither eyes nor ears, than I apologize-because that sucks ass.

Anyway, in an effort to attract humbugs and Jewish readers to Super Secret Rantings, I have put together a song list that has nothing to do with the holidays! So turn off your radios and turn up this kick-ass mix of musical excellence.

For your reference, I plan to call this mix: Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow. Enjoy!

1. “Shining Light” Ash
I thought I would start this mix off with a song that COULD be about Jesus, but is not. It’s a toe-tapper alright.

2. “The Jessica Numbers” The New Pornographers
This song is not offensive-but the band’s name suggests nudity-so, why the heck not?

3. “Here (In Your Arms)” Hellogoodbye
Still upbeat with this song-but you throw in a vocal synthesizer, and it sounds a little bit like robots singing. Do robots know its Christmastime? I DOUBT IT!

4. “Pink Triangle” Weezer
I am no expert, but I am pretty sure that nothing could be farther from the virgin birth than this song about sexual identity crisis, lesbianism, and Rivers Cuomo.

5. “Come on Closer” Jem
I think this song would mean a lot more to me if I had SOMEONE I wanted to get closer to. But since I don’t, who wants a hug?

Slowing it down a bit more with:

6. “9 Crimes” Damien Rice
Somber and haunting, this song has NOTHING to do with Christmas and EVERYthing to do with rocking yourself to sleep on a tear-soaked pillow in a darkened room.

7. “Say it Right” Nelly Furtado
Question: How does a person recover after 20 minutes of straight sobbing through a Damien Rice song played on repeat? Answer: Nelly Furtado.

HIDDEN TRACK: “Clumsy” Our Lady Peace
I don't know about you people, but I am ALL about the SUPER SECRET track listings!

8. “Honestly” Cartel
This song mentions my least-developed virtue in passing, that being: patience. No, patience is NOT my strongest quality. I should work on that. And what does all this have to do with Christmas? That’s right, NOTHING.

9. “Last Embrace” Northern Room
You haven’t heard of Northern Room?! Well I hadn’t either until they handed me their EP the other day while I was dining with friends at Milwaukee’s Apollo Greek Restaurant. The band is from Milwaukee, and they are cute. Enough said. If you like this song, you can hear more of their music on their website: http://northernroom.com/media.html.

10. “Cold Hands, Warm Heart” Brendan Benson
Well, it IS cold outside-you can’t deny that.

If you have any other non-holiday songs you think should be on “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow,” speak up!