Worst Case Scenario: Departmental Meetings

Today Department X gathered for our quarterly update meetings.

The perfect blending of power point presentations, some VERY long speeches, and the occasional sprinkling of bland corporate humor, Department X update meetings are, in my opinion, the natural solution to insomnia!

As a general rule, these meetings are met with overwhelming disdain from all but a few of the department’s veteran overachievers. I have always fallen into that first category, hating the meetings just a little less than Squirrels, but perhaps a little more than Coworker E.

Also, my plan to arrive late to the meeting (in a bid to miss whatever business that I could) backfired, resulting in a guaranteed seat in the front row. Luckily, Peaches Wilson was slightly MORE late to the meeting-earning herself a significantly-worse spot between my seat and the slide projector.

When it was all said and done, the meeting lasted an hour and a half.

AN HOUR AND A HALF!

Admittedly, the first 10 minutes weren’t so bad. However, after spending 30 mind-numbing minutes learning about corporate opportunities abroad, my mind checked out completely and I spent the remaining 60 minutes trying to devise a clever way to sleep with my eyes open. For all of my efforts, not only did I NOT master the sleep-while-appearing-awake-look, but instead developed a slightly lazy eye and a puddle of drool on the front of my shirt.

At one point, Peaches Wilson passed me a note that read: “Yawn.”

Not to be outdone, I quickly scribbled out my own perspective on the happenings, a note that simply said: "I am dying inside."

To that, she solemnly nodded and silently pointed to the drool stain on my shirt.