Charlotte's Web 2: The Reckoning

For the third summer in a row, there is an outbreak of spiders in my apartment.

That’s right, spiders. And for the past three years I have bravely weathered this annual infestation with the type of fortitude and courage that is exhibited in absolutely NO other aspects of my life. Usually, when faced with a dilemma, I tend to approach the trouble as a toddler might weather a trip to the mall: with a lot of whining and/or pleas for hugs.

That’s not happening here though. No sir! These days when I spot a spider, I fight every urge to whine; and instead, immediately jump into action with the help of my Bissell hand held vacuuming device. Search and destroy! I am an unstoppable force.

At this point in the story, some of you (the LOSERS) are probably feeling sorry for the spiders. You are probably thinking that these little guys are just minding their own business on my ceiling, and have done nothing to deserve such a dramatic and (likely) painful death within the churning underbelly of my electronic cleaning products. Well stop!

These mini-nemesi are far less disadvantaged than you might think! Far from it! In fact, the spiders in my apartment have two major advantages going for them, which often make my size advantage a lot less advantageous.

Spider Advantage One: The spiders in my apartment are sprightly, and can often jump into a good hiding spot long before I even have my vacuum cleaner out of the closet.

Spider Advantage Two: I have unusually poor hand-eye coordination for someone my age, and even when I do get my vacuum out in time, it is often a short-lived victory, as I usually miss my target by several feet on my first offensive attack. At that point, the spider will flip its little legs off of the ceiling and fall somewhere behind my refrigerator and wall, or directly onto the top of my head.

As you can see, neither of these scenarios could be considered a victory for yours truly-by ANY stretch of the imagination.

All in all I have to hand it to the little guys. Considering I am around 1,000,000 times their size, they usually put up a pretty decent fight. If something 1,000,000 times MY size tried to vacuum me; well, let’s just say there would be a SIGNIFIGANT and noticeable drop in the number of postings on this blog…..