Flirting failure in the first degree.

I am socially awkward.

And nowhere is this better evidenced than the times that I am trying to interact with cute boys that I have crushes on.

Take for example, just moments ago when cute new Coworker X walked by my desk and made some joke about how his desk chair was broken and how it was probably my fault.

Now I am not really sure what a normal person might do in these circumstances, but I responded: “Are you trying to start something here? Cause I have some rhinestone rings that I can flip around to fight you with-and they do break the skin……just kidding!!! Maybe.”

So not only did I threaten to slap him with my rhinestone rings-but I did so as he was walking away from me-so half the office heard my lame, and potentially-violent comeback.

Apply open palm swiftly to forehead. Repeat.