Kick ASS Halloween

Every year on October 31st, Americans of all ages, religions, ethnicities, sexual orientations, and genders come together on one very common ground: Halloween. Yes Halloween, albeit a fake holiday that probably originated from some Pagan celebration involving animal sacrifice, has now become an day for people to dress up in costumes and run around outside. College girls use this as an excuse to dress sluttily without judgment and children (or Trick-or-Treaters) go door to door collecting way, Way, WAY more candy than their little bodies can handle.

Traditionally during the weeks immediately following Halloween, the parents of these young Trick-or-Treaters covertly SNEAK candy from their children’s stashes until all that remains are some Smarties Candies, a few partially-wrapped Rolos, and a discarded Circus Peanut. In fact, that guaranteed candy stash may be the only reason I wouldn’t mind having kids right now; well that, and the Barbie’s….forget I said that.

Anyway, after much, MUCH consideration, I have finally decided on my Halloween costume. Have you seen the movie Kill Bill 2? If not, you won’t get this (and you should go watch that movie); if you HAVE seen the movie, then you will understand me when I say I am going as Evil Nurse Elle Driver from the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. Not only will this costume allow for the wearing of an eye patch, but also for the carrying of a very impressive, very intimidating plastic Samari sword (and some throwing stars for extra measure). Get excited!