LMW Peace Offering, the LONGEST weekend update EVER

When it comes to my weekend updates- my goal has always been to take you through the highs and lows of the past weekend in a very methodical manner; however, I am not too methodical, as people go, so you will have to bear with me.

On Friday, my dear friend Peppermint Patty came to visit me for the night. After we had a nice dinner with Hope Valentine we headed over to Centanni’s (one of Milwaukee’s piano bars), to meet up with a group of my Super Secret friends.

You may remember:

-Flower Power and Beaker Callahan
-Darling Peterson and her boyfriend Wakefield
-Hope Valentine and Peppermint Patty
-new friend and coworker Misty Moynihan and her new boyfriend Tiger Golfington.
-and Peppermint Patty’s old college friend, and Milwaukee lothario D.J. Not So Smooth (not to be confused with Captain No Skills, who was not in attendance).

With so many friends there to laugh at my jokes, I had a wonderful evening-and was SO glad Peppermint Patty was able to visit me.

Saturday morning came quickly-and sadly, so did the time for Peppermint Patty to head back to Chicago. But not to worry, Spanish Houlihan was on the way! By some strange chain of scheduling, both friends planned to visit me this weekend, but neither was able to stay for more than one day. Either way, I was happy to see them-because man is it hard to get Chicagoers to come to Milwaukee.

Spanish and I had a lovely day getting manicures-little did we know the sinister foe that awaited us back at my aging, but comfortable apartment building.

For no sooner had we entered the elevator and pressed the button to my floor that my building’s 1920’s-style death trap of an elevator slowed to a distressing halt ultimately stopping between the first and second floors.

Unable to maintain my cool, I immediately began to panic-while Spanish tried to press the alarm and debated whether to call 9-1-1. Soon a face from the 1st floor peered up at us through the elevator’s window.

Elevator reenactment.

Spanish/LWM: Help us!!!
Guy: Hey, you guys ok- what you doing in there?
Spanish: WE ARE STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR, GET THE BUILDING MANAGER.
Little Miss Westchester: (panic-induced heavy breathing) Spanish, I can’t breath-this is like** my worst fear realized.

(**NOTE TO READERS: This statement was a slight exaggeration, being that my first fear is actually vampires; however, I will let it go as, “plummeting to my death in an old elevator shaft” is also high on my list of fears.)

Luckily, the building manager was in his apartment, and he calmly instructed Spanish on how to open the elevator door so that we could escape. Once the door was open, Spanish and I slid ourselves to the elevator floor, and then slowly eased our ways out of the elevator and down into the arms of our rescuers.

The whole thing was traumatic and I am happy to say I will be taking the stairs from this point out.

After a few hours of R&R and some major deep breathing exercises-Spanish and I headed out to meet Darling Peterson and Petal Personality at a local bar. I would name the bar; except for this one small detail: Tall Pete works there.

My seven loyal readers may remember Pete from previous posts- but if not, I shall refresh your memory. I met Pete through Lance Friendly a while back; and, after going out on only one date with the guy, things ended somewhat abruptly when Pete stalked me to a house party (he hadn’t been invited to) and then got angry and pouted to Darling Peterson when I wasn’t giving him any attention……cuckcoo, cuckcoo.

Truth be told, there was never really a chance for a “love connection” there in the first place, mainly because I have never been the type to play into someone's mind games and, at the age of 30-something, Pete had the emotional maturity of a pixie stick.

Anyway, fast forward to this Saturday night when, after spending a wonderful evening laughing and talking with Petal, Spanish, Darling, Wakefield, and new arrival Franklin Serious, I ran right into Pete as I was trying to leave the bar. Actually, let me restate that, I ran into Lance Friendly and a “mysterious companion” who (perhaps feeling legitimate shame for his past 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' behaviors) kept trying to turn his back towards me so that I could not see his face. This clever ruse on Pete’s part may have worked…had there been anyone else standing around him; however, the bar was practically empty; and, at 6’7”/ 350 pounds Pete is not exactly hard to miss. What a goon.

So Lance, are you here alone?

On Sunday morning, Spanish and I had a long talk about love, life, and celebrity breakups before she headed home. Elevators and meat-heads aside, I had a great weekend-and am really looking forward to Peppermint Patty’s Wine/Cheese/Chocolate party in a few weekend’s time.

Tally ho.