Kooky Kathy gets a kooky friend

Happy Holidays from Wisconsin!

Snowflakes are falling and blissful holiday cheer is all around. I have only been back in the office for one day, and somewhere between last night’s trip to the gym and my morning cup of coffee, I have somehow developed a blaringly obvious twitch in my right eye.

3 out of the 3 people I have talked to about my new ocular dilemma have attributed the twitch to stress; and, having spent the past 5 days with my family, I am apt to agree with this diagnosis.

Despite this new ailment, the holidays are winding down, and I feel it is important to get back to my routine. Trust me though, after eating little besides the readily available chocolate desserts my grandma made, sitting in front of the TV for hours on end, and participating in around-the-clock light saber/Nerf gun duels with my brothers (don’t ask), the last thing I wanted to do last night was work out. However, with swimsuit season in mind, I dragged myself there anyway, all the while hoping I could work off the holiday cookie damage in just one visit.

Everything went as usual…that was until I retired to the stretching room to, well, stretch, and to put in some unavoidable quality time with Kooky Kathy.

Most nights it is just Kathy and I bonding over ‘Wheel of Fortune’ (bonding sessions usually involve me during my crunches while Kathy shares her perspective on word search puzzles, and her pro-WWE Wrestling stance on television programming); however, on the few blessed occasions that other people do come into the room, Kathy likes to be an inclusive kookster, and incorporate them into her streams of conversational wizardry.

Last night, Kathy was accompanied by a 20-something woman named Mary, who seemed to be in the process of rummaging through a small suit case filled with workout clothing. Before I even came into the room, I knew this would be interesting, because Kathy was gesturing wildly and bobbing her head in a way that, to me, meant (kooky) business.

I tried not to distract them, and quietly pulled out a mat and began stretching- all the while their conversation traversed themes ranging from the seemingly absurd to the consistently inappropriate.

But far be it from me to exclude you (my seven loyal readers) from what I heard. So, for your reading pleasure, the following are (very) real outtakes from Mary and Kathy’s conversation:

Mary and Kathy on religion

Kathy: I know a Jewish girl who works out here.

Mary: I don’t understand why Jewish people don’t believe in Jesus…

Kathy: I don’t mind Jews, I know some and I talk to them like there’s not anything wrong.

Mary: Oh yeah, me too. I love me some Jews.

Mary and Kathy on holiday food

Mary: I got done loosing 60 pounds last year, and I think I put 20 back over this holiday.

Kathy: Yeah I do Weight Watchers, and I figure, its ok to cheat during the holidays because I can just go back on program in January.

Mary: One year I had a BAD case of irritable bowel syndrome, and I couldn’t keep nothin’ down. Now, I’ll spare you the details, but I sure didn’t put no weight on that Christmas….

Before Mary could extrapolate on any of her other medical woes, I quickly wrapped up my stretches and fled the room. Merry Christmas, and here’s hoping that pesky eye twitch goes away before the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve.