Tom Cruise is a little bitch.

Like most people I was a huge fan of the Cruisester following the release of movie classics like Cocktail and Top Gun; however, with the frenzied efforts of his lawyers to prevent any shred of bad press and Tom's apparent inability to take a joke, frankly I think the man is one big penis head.

Here IMDB.com tells of his latest attempts to rid the world of any laughter or joy:

"Mission: Impossible star Tom Cruise is furious, after learning of a fake press release heralding his plans to lecture on the evils of psychiatry. Among the reputed topics that the star was falsely said to be touching upon at his religion's Scientology Celebrity Center headquarters in Los Angeles next month, were, "How Psychiatry Invented Schizophrenia" and "Handling Sexual DisOrientation". But Cruise's attorney Bert Fields, says he plans to track down whoever is behind the fake release, telling Radar Online, "It's totally phony. Tom is not giving any lectures... In my view, it's forgery, wire fraud and, apparently, committed on an interstate basis. You could tell from looking at the names of the supposed lectures that it's nothing that comes from Tom. You know, 'Out of the Closet and into the Auditing Room' is not something Tom is going to put as the name of a lecture. He's not, in fact, giving any lectures. If he did I would sell tickets." Cruise sparked controversy earlier this year, when he attacked Brooke Shields for taking medicated drugs to help her through her postpartum depression."

What a ninny.