Monday morning smackdown.

I am back in the office. Not much has changed since Friday, however, here are the highlights from the weekend:

1. On Friday night I went out with Dick Ebert, Lance Friendly, Hope Valentine and the rest for some comedy and cocktails. First, Dick and I headed to Milwaukee’s famed Shank Hall to see Bob and Tom’ers “Paul and Storm.” They were very funny and I enjoyed their show immensely. Then we met up with Lance and the gang at Hotel Metro for some drinks and conversation. Pretty low key.

2. Saturday, Peaches Wilson and I went shopping before heading over to “Coworker M’s” house warming party. M had said we could come at any time throughout the day, and that the party would be going until 10PM; however, when we got there at 6, absolutely no one was around and I noticed a sign on the front door explaining that the group had moved onto Applebee’s to catch the tail end of some sporting event. So Peaches and I through up our hands on that one and instead went to dinner before making plans to meet up later in the evening.

At 10PM Peaches and new friend “Kate Smiley” picked me up at my apartment, before heading over to one of Milwaukee’s oldest North Avenue bars. No sooner had we sat down that I noticed “Smelly the Chef” circling round our bar stools.

I have known OF Smelly for almost ten years now, as he used to work at a favorite restaurant of mine as one of the pasta bar chefs. At pasta bar customers can choose a type of noodle, sauce and fixin’s and then watch as a practiced cook prepares it right before your very eyes. Since I only saw him in that venue, our conversations never extended beyond the things I wanted him to put in my pasta dish and his complaints over just how much he hated his job. I recognized him immediately despite his full beard and apparently, his aggressive bout of psoriasis.

At first I tried to ignore Smelly, but, he would have none of that, and after walking past for the fifth time without response, he came right up behind me and whispered in my ear “Let me know when you want me to buy you a shot…” and when I still didn’t turn around, “Yes, I am talking to you.”

At that point I had no choice but to swivel my stool and say “Smelly! How are you?”

I won’t bore you with the details of our conversation-because frankly, I don’t want to have to relive it. Mostly he just talked lectured about tomatoes and the difference between faux organic food and actually organic food.

To be honest, the only time I listened at all was when he was regaling me with stories of how he came to lose his drivers license (marijuana possession) and how, one night, as he was walking home from work, some guys jumped him and he was forced to defend himself with a meat thermometer. For dramatic effect Smelly then pulled that very same meat thermometer from his front pocket, thrust it into my face, and asked if I wanted to feel the tip because really, “It is very sharp Little Miss Westchester, go ahead…..touch it.”

I kindly declined his offer just as Peaches and Kate FINALLY decided to save me from that seemingly endless hell.

3. Sunday, I cleaned my apartment and accepted a date invitation from one of Lance’s friends “Tall Pete.” I met Pete the weekend before Labor Day and haven’t really heard from him since-with the exception of a few last minute invitations which I had to decline because of withstanding plans. We have plans set for Wednesday night…we shall see.

Well, I guess I should go back to work….or start working.

Have a nice day!