Milwaukee Madness

As weekends go, this one was pretty wild and fiscally draining.

Friday night I met Lance Friendly and some of his friends for a round of drinks at Milwaukee’s premiere Irish bar, Paddy’s. Then I headed over to Red Light to hang with Moody St. Clair, Security Steve and a large contingent of my good-looking guy friends for some cocktails and conversations before high tailing it over to Mad Planet where we literally danced until we dropped.

Saturday morning got off to a slow start as I struggled to pull the pieces together from the night before. After a hearty breakfast, I headed over to Mayfair Mall to pick up some essentials….$300+ and 5 hours later, I drove home to prepare for the evenings fun.


It all began so innocently……

Flower Power and I decided we would go to dinner at the Pasta Tree and then hang out in McGillycuddy's beer garden for some delicious refreshments under the stars. Just as we were finishing off our first round of drinks, two good looking guys approached us and asked if they could sit at the table next to ours. We agreed, and no sooner had they sat down, that their table was pulled up next to ours and we got their whole story.

Hailing from Michigan, they were part of a 12-person bachelor party in town for the weekend, and while they were enjoying themselves, the guy who had arranged the party had not done any research about Milwaukee’s nightlife offerings and they really didn’t have a plan for what they were going to do. At one point, I went to the bathroom, and when I returned I saw Flower Power sitting at our table with not two, but 12 additional guys and several pitchers of beer.

After finishing the pitchers the guys decided to move on to other bars, so we said our goodbyes and left them to their own devices. Flower and I decided that might be the perfect time for us to leave as well, so we exited the bar and ran right into two of the bachelor party-attendees who were chowing down on some good-old fashioned Milwaukee brats. Apparently, they had ill-advisedly gone into this terrible bar next door and were now taking a short break for a snack before trying to decide where they wanted to go next.


It was then that they invited us to join their ranks and guide them for the rest of the evening. We accepted and here is a brief recap of what followed:

1. I somehow managed to touch 6 out of 12 guys’ eyeballs.

2. I engaged in a lengthy argument with the bachelor about whether or not my black stilettos looked like a witch’s shoes.

3. After years of speculation I learned first hand that Art’s Performance Center is INDEED a strip club, they do not charge ladies a cover charge to get in, you cannot bring in drinks from a neighboring bar (thanks Flower for testing their resolve on that one), and the strippers there have the energy level of a Slinky on a sidewalk.

4. While two of the guys and I decided to leave Art’s and spend some time at the nearby bar The Harp, Flower Power insisted on staying behind. This may or may not have been the greatest of ideas, but she insisted and almost immediately after the guys and I sat down, Flower called in hopes of finding me. Somehow within the 10 minutes that we were apart she had followed the rest of the bachelor party to a bar on the other side of Water Street…and somewhere along the way she also lost her shoes. (She would later remember that she had cut them off, because in her words, she would rather be barefoot)

Not realizing how far gone she was, I asked her to come to The Harp and call me when she was outside. When I left the bar to meet her, I immediately saw her across the street engaged in a deep(ly slurred) conversation with some skeezy dude in a powder blue spandex shirt. I quickly pushed him away and we started back towards my apartment. Half way there Flower decided she needed to “give something back to the sidewalk,” and while she was doing that, I waited nearby keeping an eye out for the police and adamantly discouraging these two weirdos who kept cruising by and asking us where our boyfriends were.

Luckily we made it back to my place and passed out.

Now I am back in the office, remembering that I gave my number to one of the guys and wishing to God I remembered what he looked like.