Speed Racer

It has been said (by several credible sources), that the women in my family have what could be seen as a speeding problem.

Since I got my license I have been the unhappy recipient of several VERY substantial speeding tickets; and frankly, I blame my mother for this. You might disagree with me, but I think that I am just an innocent victim here. I mean, by the time I was 10 my mother had already had to retake Driver’s Education in Wisconsin because, at the age of 38, she thought they were kidding with the posted 40MPH speed limit on our city’s main road. So, I ask you, if kids are supposed to learn how to do things from their parent’s, did I ever really stand a chance?

I bring this up because a few weeks ago, for the second time this year, I managed to earn myself a 6-point speeding ticket. Let’s do some quick math: 6+6=12 Points, which equals a potential suspension of my driver’s license. As you can imagine, I am nervous...although, come to think about it, as a single gal, I could probably meet some new guys in driver's ed....

Anyway, in order to prevent the loss of my license, I have decided to get myself a lawyer for this one. And as luck would have it, my friend’s husband IS a lawyer, who has offered to represent me for free. In the dictionary this would be referred to as: Pro-Westchester.

For his troubles, I plan to send my friend's husband a REALLY great thank you gift, like a nice bottle of wine or a kegerator. You know, stuff lawyers use.

The best European slideshow...EVER

Before I set off on my grand European adventure with good friend Peppermint Patty (and later, Patty's Law School buddies Angela and Michelle), I promised you a full recap of all of my adventures as well as some great pictures. Well, as you may have imagined, I lied about that recap.

Now a full two weeks since our return, I have wanted to write about my trip almost as much as I did while I was on the trip (which may explain why my travel journal only chronicles the first 2 out of our 16-day vacation). But far be it from me to withhold the pictures from my adventure; because let’s face it, I am photogenic, and I want the world to know it. So here are some of the pictoral highlights from my vacation-I hope you enjoy them!

Let’s start this slide show off with a great shot of my head….in front of an artistic photo of Sevilla’s famed cathedral, La Giralda. This magnificent "church" sits in the center of the city’s historic Santa Cruz neighborhood, and is a real joy to behold (especially after sunset).

Next we move on to Italy, and of course, the Roman Colosseum. When the guards weren’t looking, I cleverly managed to repel into the pit of the ruins…this proved to be a somewhat foolhardy decision, as there were very few ways out of the pit that didn't require climbing and I have no upper body strength.

This is an entirely unrelated picture of a goon. He wasn't on our trip, but man is he funny to look at!

Below I am reenacting the famed scene from Audrey Hepburn’s popular film Roman Holiday, at “La Boca del Verita.” According to myth, if you stick you hand in the mouth of this statue and tell a lie, your hand will be bitten clean off your arm…. In the future, this will definitely make me think twice before offering false promises of trip recaps.

Soon it was on to Athens, and of course, the Parthenon. Here I am posing dramatically.

Finally, here is a picture of Peppermint Patty, myself, and trip late-comers Angela and Michelle before boarding a ferry boat back to Athens from Crete. You can’t tell from this vantage, but I was having a remarkable hair day!

As you might have guessed from these photos, Patty and I had an unforgettable trip-and created memories to last a lifetime. I am so thankful I had this opportunity to experience some of the world’s greatest cities, and that there was a doctor in Rome who was able to reattach my hand before the shock wore off.

Matchmaker, make me a match!

Let me start by saying that I am not, nor have I ever been a professional match maker; but, let me also say, that’s not for lack of trying.

As you have probably deduced by now, I have A LOT of friends. And it’s not just because I have large breasts and am good looking, but also because I’m a loyal friend and always work hard to make my friends happy. And I think it goes without saying, that nothing makes people happier than sex. Lots of sex….or so I’ve been told.

That being said, there have been a few times in the past where, in attempts to make my single friends happy, I have tried to play matchmaker. Currently I am at a lowly 0 for 5 success rate; however, I bravely press on in hopes that someday, somehow, one of my match attempts will work out-and someone will name their first kid after me.

ANYWAY, the reason I am even bringing this up is because I am on the scent of another potential couple. Here’s the scoop:

Bashful Bill is this sweet/responsible/all-American guy on my volleyball team who is looking for love, but doesn’t always have the courageous wherewithal to approach a girl. He comes from a good family, is tons of fun, and I think is a total catch for a nice girl who won’t take him for granted.

Curly Sue is a new friend from work who is also really nice, has adorable curly hair, plays in a volleyball league, loves Bon Jovi, and is just tons of fun to be around. P.S., Curly is also looking for love.

So at lunch the other day as I was talking to Curly about singleness, it occurred to me that perhaps she and Bill might hit it off. I got to talking about what an awesome guy Bill is, and strongly urged Curly to come to dinner with my volleyball team so that she could meet him. But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I IMMEDIATELY regretted my mistake. Every matchmaker worth their SALT knows it is better NOT to tell people when you are trying to set them up. WHY? Because then they get all nervous and sweaty when they meet that other person-and it kind of jinxes things.

All day I fretted over the meeting. Would Curly find Bill attractive; and if not, would she be mad at me for thinking he would be her type? Would Bill let his personality shine through-or behave slightly awkwardly with a new girl in the mix? If Curly did like Bill, would he recognize her signals and ask her out? If they went on a date, would things go well? Would they want to go out again? Would Curly call Bill back?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!?

Well as it turned out, none of that even mattered because Bill didn’t even make it to dinner. Something about house painting.

I guess the world will have to wait and see if a love connection is in the stars for Bashful Bill and Curly Sue; but in the meantime, I will carefully bide my time. Watching. Waiting. Watching some more.

Mystic Pizza Face

I have a zit on my lip the size of a Pez candy. It looks like a Herpe, for God’s sake. A herpe!

Aren’t zits supposed to be one of the many annoyances you outgrow at 20? Plus, unlike the tame middle school taunts of yore, adults are always FAR more creative with their prognoses for acne these days. I, for example, usually assume the person has an STD.

That being said, if anyone asks, I plan to take the high ground with this one and say I got punched in the face.

“NO this is not a zit,” I’ll say, “clearly it’s the place where my attacker’s ring broke the skin.”

A model of self indulgence…I MEAN…Self Control!

During my exciting European vacation, I was shocked, nay, saddened to learn that my caffeinated supplement of choice, Coca Cola Lite (The Euro version of Diet Coke), was often priced at a startling 6 euros (which is like $8.00).

SO, in an effort to save money AND to ween myself off of a life-long bad habit of soda drinking, I began opting for wine with my meals instead of my regular can of Diet Coke. (Wine prevents Cancer right…or is it Crabs?)

Anyway, after 2.5 weeks without Diet Coke, I returned to the States feeling empowered-like I could do anything! I committed to staying away from Diet Coke-and solemnly promised that I would only drink water…and coffee….AND alcohol. Phew.

Many people said that I couldn’t do it. They said I lack the basic commitment/loyalty to a soda-free lifestyle and that they would be willing to put money on my failure. To these people, these NAYSAYERS, I haughtily look you right in the eye and exclaim….”you have a very good point.”

Sadly, unlike my successfully steadfast (yet somewhat inexplicable) self-ban on any/all pork products, the Diet Coke fast has been a hard promise to keep.

Somewhat predictably, I caved at the first POSSIBLE test of my will; and, already today I have had two Diet Cokes. There is just no way around it, I am WEAK!

The reasonable voice in my head says I should just drink more water to make up for the soda; but, I listen to that voice almost as much as I do my dental hygienist’s, SO I think that I am just going to start doubling my wine intake instead.

Surely it will all just balance itself out…and keep those pesky Crabs at bay. It’s a win/win.

Heather B. Armstrong-a blogger I like.

Like other brilliant bloggers you may know (a-HEM), professional blogger Heather B. Armstrong finds humor in the everyday. Tackling topics ranging from her toddler's speech pathology to her husband's obsession with an awkwardly smelly pair of crocs, Heather's blog Dooce is one of my daily must-reads. One of my personal FAVORITE parts of Dooce, would definitely have to be the videos postings-which I wait for with great anticipation.

Today she posted a video featuring her adorable puppy Chuck. I laughed.


CLICK HERE to watch Heather balancing an entire bag of doggie treats on Chuck’s head (and then check out her awesome blog, Dooce). I mean, what CAN'T that little dog do!?

Work sucks, I know

I am back from Europe and sadly, do not have time to write about my trip; however, I will tell you this:

1. I am trying to finish what I started in Europe, and quit Diet Coke.

2. Being back at work after 2.5 weeks of vacation is a blast; and when I say “blast,” of course, what I really mean is “suck fest.”

3. For a relatively low-end of the totem pole job, I have over 200 e-mails to deal with in my in-box.

4. Until you have had a Greek-style Cheese pie, you have not truly lived.

I think that pretty much sums it up for now. More to come later.

Greece is the word...

Greetings from Greece!

Last night Peppermint Patty, Patty's law school friend Michelle and I arrived in one of the world's oldest cities, Athens. There we met up with Patty's law school friends Angela and Jimmy who were thrilled to host us in their family's "home land."

After a quick shower, we hopped on the metro and rode to this amazing restaurant "Kalokairomos" where we enjoyed delicious Greek cuisine like Octopus, rich Feta cheese, dolmades stuffed with ground beef and rice, moussaka (layers of beef and eggplant), lamb kabob and several bottles of wine. And as a special treat, there was a stage at the front of the restaurant where performers sang traditional Greek songs and danced traditional Greek dances from all of the islands while wearing the traditional garb. It was awesome-and somehow, your very own Little Miss Westchester ended up on stage trying my best to keep up with the professionals and shuffel along with the music.

Next we walked around the town, stopping in several cool bars and marveling at the souvenier shops. One thing I noticed, which I did not know about Greece, is how many stray dogs and cats rome free in Greece. Ranging from small kittens to old pups, these friendly animals follow tourists around (hoping to get some TLC and snacks) and sniff around the restaurants for scraps. One dog, who we cleverly deemed "Jimmy 2" followed us around all night long. He smelled pretty bad-but we were glad to have him along for the walk.

At around 6 AM we made it home where Patty, Jimmy and Angela slept on the open air roof, while Michelle and I preferred to sleep in the bed. At six AM, there are no stars left to sleep under-so sheets and pillows just seem a hell of a lot more appealing.

Today we plan to visit the Parthenon and the Acropolis before hitting the town again. Tomorrow we will catch an early ferry to Santorini and then it will be on to Crete!

I am having a truly amazing time, and I can't wait to blog all about it when I get back.

European Update!

Hello from Florence, Italy.

Ok, I will admit....maaaaaybe promising one update a country was a little beyond the scope of my traveling capabilities; however, rather that crying over spilled milk, let's get right to the update, because it's £5 an hour and I only have 30 minutes left. BOO. ( Not to worry, I promise a much, MUCH better update when I get back!)

So far, Peppermint Patty and I have traveled to Barcelona and Sevilla, Spain. And man was that amazing. Although I must admit, knowing any Spanish at all is a huge blessing as many people we encountered in these cities had a very "loose" grasp of English. And when I say, "loose," of course what I really mean, is no grasp at all. Luckily, I am a stellar Spanish wiz...and despite having a VERY shallow grasp on vocabulary, verb tenses and general phrasing...I was able to get us through.

Today, after a lengthy flight from Sevilla to Milan (a hefty £100 fine for Patty's overweight luggage) and a 2 hour train ride through the Italian countryside, we are now in Florence. So far, we have only had time for one VERY delicious meal and to gaze longingly into the windows of shops long since closed for the day. But tomorrow we will start strong with a visit to the Accademia Museum and a viewing of Michelangelo's David.

Overall, it has been the most amazing trip of my life and it is not even half over. After Florence it is on to Rome, then Athens, Santorini, and Crete.

Thanks for checking in, and hopefully I will have something more for you very soon!